I learned building rapport is one of the most fundamental business techniques. Once you achieve the bond between you and your potential customer, likely he gets more open to your ideas, which naturally increases your sales. Or it becomes easier to build a smooth, supportive relationship with your business partner, supplier or employee.
Then, how to build rapport? The bottom line is you intentionally create a common ground between you and the person you want to build rapport with. People naturally feel closer to someone who is like themselves. By reflecting the elements of the person you talk with, you can make him more relaxed and receptive with you.
The very common technique to build rapport is matching or mirroring. You observe the person’s behavior pattern and match yourself with it. If the person talks loud and passionately, you also reply like that. If she talks very softly, you act softly, too. If he is serious, you show your seriousness. If she jokes around a lot, you show your sense of humor as well.
If you build rapport with your target, you will achieve their attention more successfully. So you train yourself to match with the target.
Funny – many people do this when they see a baby unintentionally.
You have seen someone totally changes her attitude when she sees a baby; “Hi sweetie, hi, hi, aren’t you cute? Yes you are, yes you are!” Even a serious man often talks cheerfully to a baby with his eyes wide open. It is amazing to see how much influence a baby has.
This is like an adult instantly tries to match the little innocent, energetic creature to build rapport in between. Our instinct may makes us act so that the helpless one feels more safe and secure.
You may learn how to build rapport and practice the technique like matching in a social occasion in order to achieve your goal.
But, to begin with, don’t you naturally mirror the person you are talking with if you are strongly interested in her?
I like to listen to someone. I want to understand not only what he says but what he is. To understand the person, I encourage him to give me clues, not necessarily by words but greatly his body language. Naturally I ask questions and listen to him with great attention. I observe him very carefully. It is like I try to feel the energy and flow of our shared space.
Then what happens? Naturally I reflect her elements. If she talks cheerfully, I smile and laugh a lot. If she is quite serious using lots of difficult words, I listen very seriously and ask questions to be followed by her intelligent explanations. When she munches snacks, I tend to munch, too. If she talks with her arms folded, I tend to take the same posture.
I didn’t know the technique called matching, but I have been automatically matching myself with whoever I am talking with.
Learning communication and social skills are beneficial in many ways. Nevertheless, you shouldn’t forget the bottom line no matter how skillful you become. You communicate with someone to understand him. If your focus is more to make him open to you than to understand who he is, you won’t be able to create a long lasting stable bond with him.
Remember when you meet a baby – you get so interested in her you forget how you look to other ones’ eyes. You enjoy her company and try to make her happy without thinking. You are into it. In return she smiles and/or talks to you back, showing her acceptance of you.
This is the base of communication. Your sincere interest, beyond the language and technical barriers, wins the person’s heart.