There is something I have often experienced in my life.
I am not social but rather shy to begin with. I naturally stay quiet when I meet new people. I observe what’s going on and eventually start seeing the area I can contribute.
I am shy but not withdrawing. I am a dower – I try to participate in the way I can do.
Once I start participating, people recognize it and often show me the appreciation. I am very happy to see that I can do something for someone.
Then, the person shows up and says I am overconfident and looking people down. I am surprised. I listen to him or her. I try to talk with him/her. The person insists I consider myself superior. Typically says I don’t have the sensitivity. Eventually I give up to keep talking.
I hadn’t had this for the last 15 years or so, which means since I moved to Canada.
Recently I took a Japanese online business course and participated a chat group. Then here you go, a girl who I thought was quite nice and supportive exploded her true mind. I am arrogant and insensitive.
First, it was a true surprise. I never guessed she had had such a negative feeling about me from her comments she made in the chat group.
She is in the leader position of the group, so she directed me to have the personal chat rather than public. I listened to her. She didn’t seem like understanding my point. Before I gave up, she gave up on me, saying “You do whatever you believe, good luck!” Typical.
After a while, I realized that this is jealousy.
The jealousy comes from fear.
I am aware of my strength and weakness. I am aware my way is not the only way.
I just share what I know and think, and expect others to utilize it if they want to. How to use it is not up to me but them. I just offer and whether they take it or not, it doesn’t matter. What they do is nothing I can and should control.
Thanks to this clear understanding of what I can do in the society, I am emotionally very stable. In other words, I am confident of myself without comparing with others. I am confident of what I am as is.
My self confidence usually makes others feel more stable. For example, children often response very well. When I listen to them without pushing my “suggestion”, they share more with me. My confidence stimulates their confidence to share with others.
However, for someone who is competitive due to her very low self esteem, I am super annoying. I do not obey her. I do not ‘respect’ her. She gets scary when I say something she doesn’t understand. She is too scared to admit that she may not understand something I understand. She can’t think there are multiple answers but black or white, winner or loser. As I look so confident, she gets terrified to lose. She becomes emotional. She tries to get rid of me to protect herself.
It took a while but eventually I realized she was jealous.
Jealousy comes from fear.
She is afraid. She is afraid to lose.
In the chat group, I introduced myself as a Canadian residence and business owner.
Do you know what this means to most Japanese, especially who are in some business course?
This means I am already way ahead of them.
For many Japanese, the fact that I am living in a foreign country is already something to admire. They consider living there is equal to being fluent in English. On the top, I have my own business. This makes some people feel I am totally in the different level.
As a matter of fact, from my point of view, my English is practical enough to carry the day-to-day life but not sophisticated at all to represent an official organization in general. A lot of people have a small business here. In other words, I am not super or anything. I am just a teeny-tiny person who’s trying to do whatever she can do. I am not different from anyone else.
But, for her, I am the one who comes with all sorts of shiny badges to show off.
When I realized it, I finally understood why I have occasionally encountered someone like her through my life.
I have self confidence. They don’t.
I just recognize myself as is.
They compare their ideal and what they think.
When you compare yourself with someone, typically the person you think is not the true him but your imaginary competitor. What you are afraid is reflected on the imaginary person. And the jealousy follows it.
I told her that what she thinks I am is the reflection of her own mind.
After all, all answers are in our mind.