When a free discussion starts in a meeting, someone breaks the silence in the group. He is the initiator. Often there is more than one. Some are friendly, some are not so much, but either way the initiators open up the conversation.
Then there come the responders. They freely share their opinions in response to what the initiator started. Sometimes a group of friends respond each other actively.
The rest is the audience. The initiators and responders carry on and the audience keeps quiet. As the meeting goes, the pattern gets established.
Some of the audience may not be interested in what’s going on or have no clue about the topic. But most of them are actually listening carefully. They are quite observing, thoughtful and creative. They just don’t feel like speaking up in such a place. Why?
The common reason is fear. They are afraid of saying something foolish. They don’t think their idea is any good. They worry about people’s reaction. So, the best solution is not to say anything. If you don’t say anything, you won’t create any problem.
I find there are always treasures among quiet people. Usually they are hard working and willing to contribute to others. Some are really creative and crafty. Some have resourceful work experiences and human network. Each person has something valuable to the whole.
But they just don’t let others know what they have.
It may be because they are not aware of the value of themselves. They underestimate their ability.
If you are a natural singer, singing with the right key and beat is normal and basic. For those who can’t sing, however, you are already a super star. You may be a natural carpenter, computer genius or cook. You do it so naturally that you don’t think it is anything special, but it is for those who don’t have that talent. It can be not only your skill but personality – your patience may inspire others and detail-oriented perfectionism can increase the quality of the job.
There is certainly the benefit to be humble. Nevertheless, when you see a big picture, it is such a shame to leave so much potential not recognized and utilized.
Now, go back to the situation in a meeting. The audience doesn’t want to look bad so that they keep quiet. How about the initiators? Don’t they care how they look like? Of course they do.
Then, how can the initiators speak up so easily? Are they so confident of themselves that no worry about how they appear?
They are nothing different from quiet people. For them, speaking up is so normal and natural. They don’t think it’s anything special despite the fact that it looks so outstanding for those who can’t do it, the audience.
We see the world from our subjective view, lacking the understanding for how the others, especially the ones very different from us, see the same thing. The truth is we are not so different.
How vocal you are doesn’t necessarily mean how confident you are. It is just a unique way of expression of each. We all express, or do not express (which is a format of expression), in order to have the relationship with the outer world.
When we work as a team, we express ourselves and find out the best way to achieve the goal together. Initiators naturally utilize their talent to start the thing. Responders join them with their own talent. If the quiet people gather a little bit of courage and share what they have, the team work will become more complete.
There is a spot you shine. If you get the right position, your ability is fully utilized and as the result, the whole gets the benefit. But if you are not recognized, especially by yourself to begin with, the possibility gets lost.
I get horrified to be in the spot light. If you are like me, you don’t need to climb up a big stage from the very beginning. After all, we are not born like a natural initiator.
Start from saying ‘Hi!’ to the stranger who happen to sit beside you. Yes, not just a smile but you say something to show your interest to the person.
Okay, you invited the other’s interest to you. You may introduce yourself to him. Now what? If you are not good at carrying the conversation, be a good listener. Only you need to do is to ask a question. If you ask like ‘What brought you here?’ ‘Do you live in this neighbourhood?’ ‘Do you have kids?’ or anything, likely the other starts talking. As far as you listen and come up with the next question, you are making yourself open to the world.
Remember, after all, we are not so different. You feel awkward not being familiar with anyone around, and probably you are not the only one. Even someone who makes himself quite comfortable usually has some awkwardness to new people and/or place. If you break the conversation just saying ‘Hi’, you make the person feel a bit more welcomed. If she feels more welcomed and accepted, she will open up more and there is a better chance to see her unique treasure.
This is a skill you can learn even if you are a quiet person. Just like any other skills, it is the matter of practice. You start from making the first word vocal, and keep repeating. Eventually you find yourself building more comfort and confidence to be with strangers.
You not only make yourself comfortable but increase the chance to find more treasures among the people you meet there, both in a short term and long term. And you offer the chance to the others to find your value at the same time.
When you feel terrified in a group of people, here is the mantra – I am not the only one! And start from saying ‘Hi’.